Anxiety and Excitement, a Fine Line

October 5, 2012 - Leave a Response

I’ve written about anxiety and how it is directly linked to being excitement. In fact this quote says it all “Anxiety is excitement without the breath”

So all we have to do is breath, right, yes!

That’s what I’m doing right now, breathing. I am getting ready to be filmed on a live show tomorrow. It will be filmed  tomorrow and then aired on Monday. It’s a new show called “Home and Family”, on the Hallmark Channel. It’s a talk show with two hosts and the set is a beautiful house, a real house.

It’s interesting when you’ve been on other shows before like I have, and they liked what they saw, it’s always the same conversations “Let’s do what you did on the Ellen Show. It really worked and we want you to do the same thing….” Those of you who know me and have been to my classes, how could we ever repeat anything the same again? It’s about spontaneity and freedom, so why try to re-create, when you can create from scratch?!

Ok, creating from scratch is a scary thing as well, that’s why not many of us take the path of being artists. To be an artist you must allow your creative energy to guide you. When people/producers tell me to re-create what I’ve done already, I feel blocked and unexcited. And, excitement is needed to fuel the spark that is necessary to entertain, have fun and bring my full-self.

Now, many a time I have gotten very nervous instead of excited because I was caring too much what others think. When the breath and creative energy is flowing, so is the excitement.

At first, after the few conversations with the producer about what direction to take for the day of shooting, I was a bit frustrated. I want you to know I am absolutely GRATEFUL to be asked to do these things, it’s really an honor that I feel blessed to do. I just found a bit of “ah-man!” in the battle to be creative on the show, and do what’s exciting to me right now, not what I did on a show 3 years ago, although I have to say it was hilarious and was very fun.

I decided to take the direction from the producer and put in a new creativity to my ideas (that i created back then). They did keep directing me back to the “things that worked on Ellen…” Why is it that people don’t trust that this new moment is going to be absolutely fabulous as well? I guess not…

I’m not fully preparing because I want to allow the creative energy to flow in me tomorrow when I’m on the show. One thing I will remember is to breath, breath, breath…so any anxiety transforms into excitement.

Here’s the ELLEN clip if you haven’t seen it…and check out “Home and Garden” on the Hallmark Channel at 10 am weekdays – it’s a two hour show…

Lost the plan

September 21, 2012 - Leave a Response

I’m in the mode of rejuvenation after traveling for a month straight. I’m back in Los Angeles in my sweet home.

I was feeling proud of myself as I kept myself balanced the whole way. I use the wonderful traditions of Ayurveda to keep me grounded and healthy. I oiled my body before showers, sipped on hot water for the flights, got good rest with early nights, and spent much time in nature.

Now, traveling for a month with a carry-on luggage only is an art. I was in 9 cities, all with different climates and had to pack with that in mind. I have become a master at that, and could start a business helping others pack for important trips like a minimalist. My motto is to schlep less luggage and have more space and weight for experiences and gifts along the way.

Last weekend I was at the Dallas Yoga Conference. The last leg of my trip, and then I’d be coming home for a while. I thought I was okay until something put me over the edge emotionally. All was going so well, I was on my last few hours before going home and it hit. I lost it. Completely lost it. I’m embarrassed to share it really, because when I tell you what it was that put me over the edge, you would think it not a big deal, as I don’t either, but sometimes the emotions need to rush out and spill all over the place, and they don’t need a good reason.

Ok, here’s the story: the original flight I booked was to leave at 11pm, and I was okay with that until I wished to get home earlier so I could attend an event called Lovestock, here in Hollywood with our local amazing community. I called in the morning to find out about changing the flight, but all were sold out. I was bummed. I called my friend to ask him to try since he has much better luck with airlines. He did. I got a call in a few minutes from him saying that I could possible get on a flight in an hour and half if I wanted, (and then something about it being a layover, but I didn’t really catch that for some reason)…Now, remember this was the last leg of my travels and I was mentally exhausted from all the flights and hotels, etc. I had to jump off the phone and get in the shower and get things packed, and goooooooooo….
And, I did.
I waited outside for my ride. Checked my email from the airline…
Here’s where I lost it.

I saw that there was a layover in Denver, and the time it will take to get home…I called my friend and if there was a TV crew, it would have been really good reality TV. I start screaming “nooooooo… booked me on a stop-over in Denver, NO!!! I cannot take this flight home…!” Sounded a like a diva. “NO, you must change it…” I am crying outside the hotel while it’s raining, tears are streaming down my face, screaming. My ride arrives, and my friend pulls up, I say something funny like “it’s raining (referring to the tears on my face)…and I have to take a flight that has a layover in Denver” I start heavily crying again….

Shortening the story…

The flight couldn’t be changed and I took the long way home. Had to let go of my plans and be in the journey. I did however get first class (without asking) on my first flight of the journey home. My first time in first class – very nice.

Moral of the story: When you think you’ve got it all figured out and you’ve got yourself together, you are tested and it’s okay to lose it sometimes.

July 21, 2012 - Leave a Response

Loved these words about our classes at Rancho La Puerta last week. Love the experience of someone whos never taken classes like these….

Rancho La Puerta

conscious dance, dance, dancing, dance class, rancho la puerta, health retreat ,health spa

It was Conscious Dancer Week at the Ranch and I had the chance to meet some really amazing people from a movement that is entirely new to me.  I had never heard of conscious dance before and truly it is a whole new world.   It’s all about letting the inner you shine and not being afraid to be yourself.  I used to take dance when I was younger, but I have never taken classes like these.   A whole new experience!

First I attended the class Conscious Dancer: Dancer of Life.  The class was taught by Kimberly Miguel Mullen who specializes in Afro Brazilian Dance.  She also was given the honor of “Best Dace DVD 2009” by Health Magazine for her DVD, “Dance and Be Fit:  Brazilian Body”.

I really didn’t know what to expect having never done anything like this before, but the class was full and everyone seemed…

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The Synergy of Four Goddesses

July 13, 2012 - 2 Responses

I had an incredible experience with four (well, really 5) wonderful women in the most exquisite Ranch just across the Mexican border. We were invited by Conscious Dancer Magazine to share our classes with the participants at Rancho La Puerta. Kimberly Miguel Mullen, the first of the Goddesses, and myself traveled from Los Angeles to San Diego.  She and I have been friends for the past 7 years since my first Bollywood Dance Workout DVD was produced with her help in choreography – she is SO talented!
We excitedly drove down to the SD airport in 2 hours, just in time for the shuttle to pick us up.
Aspen Madrone, founder of Conscious Dancer Magazine was also on the shuttle with us so we got to connect with her along the travel. The Shuttle took an hour to the border and we walked across to quicken the process. I’ve never walked across a border before, that was fun! Another shuttle was waiting for us on the other side to take us about 10 more minutes to the glorious Rancho La Puerta. This place, also called The Golden Door, is unlike any other I have been to. It is very high-end with many well maintained gorgeous buildings, and three swimming pools on 3000 acres of mountainous healing land, which hosts the various classes, workshops and lectures going on during any given week.

We arrived to a beautiful building with big doors adorned with stain glass on them. A man was standing at the entrance holding a platter of lemon-aid filled cups for our refreshment. The building was in modern Mexican style made of all wood, artistically done with carved art in the wood. We checked in and made our way to our villa.

This Villa (with a capital V) is a two bedroom, spacious house with kitchen, and living-room which held us for our fun, girly, healthy adventure. One of us Goddess-like women, Valerie Chafograck (a beautiful teacher of Soul-Motion), was already settled in as we arrived. Here, the four Goddess-like dancers met, and at that point we never knew we were going to be spending some much quality time together on this magical land.

We did indeed spend quality time together!

Instead of getting into all the details of our time, I’ll share why I was feeling the title “Synergy of Four Goddesses”. But quickly I will tell you that most of our time was spent eating the cleanest healthiest food, and then talking about our food preferences (which we were very compatible in), and going to each others classes and supporting each other by being there and serving in any way that was needed, and in between the classes we chose for ourselves, we did my favorite thing which was going to the spa where we could lounge on the roof top relaxed and laughing with each other. All of it was enough for me to want to sincerely write about it.

The experience of being together was magical. All of us are in different places in our lives in regards to relationships, career, money and family, which made us healers for each other. Each one of us had a Goddess that was the Deity for another, as one was holding a different strength in that area of need for the other, and we were giving and receiving in absolute synchronicity. For instance, I had a financial boo-boo, due to a festival bouncing a the check for my payment, which then affected all the other payments that I had going through. I was feeling less than abundant, and another Goddess supplied me with the right words, healing and affection in the direction of growth and prosperity. And the same goes for all of us; we all needed love in an area, and we all created that for each other. It felt like true sisterhood.

Then when we thought it couldn’t get better, Rana Satori Stewart arrived and she was the fifth Goddess in our tribe. The synergy created an activation and then we were planting love (seeds) into every action we did; especially the special ‘Watsu-pool-love-mandala” we created with our hands and body, almost like synchronized swimming (with the hands mostly). It felt powerful and it is still with me. I feel absolutely blessed to have created an extended family with these incredible women.

Thank you Rancho La Puerta, Deborah the Founder – you are an inspiration, Sara her daughter and manager – thank you for trusting, our “Supreme Leader” – Aspen Madrone, the sweet Valerie Chafograck, the powerful Rana Satori Stewart, and my dear friend and giggle partner – Kimberly Miguel Mullen. These Goddess synergized and united and I feel the world is a better place…

One of the Gyms. love this door!

the sky on the morning we left 😦

this was the pool side breakfast we had one day together. This pool was close to our Villa.

The Synergy at breakfast

a beautiful lotus flower, Koi pond

The Golden Door (Rancho La Puerta)

July 10, 2012 - 2 Responses

My life is a vacation? I wonder if my career is really a vacation intead of a “working” type. I travel alot, and have called myself a gypsy at times, although I am going to change that, because I am not glorifying the lack of stability anymore. I do love what I get to do, and simultaneously I wish to be more stable and work at home as well as travel to the glorious places I get to. I have lived in So Cal for almost 10 years, and have travelled A LOT of it. I have many friends in LA, but most of my students are around the country and globe. I think my DVD’s help with the global awareness of my work/play/passion, and the traveling like a gypsy has helped also. My intention is to set up “work” at home…

I’m not complaining, I promise! I get to travel to places like where I am right now, Rancho La Puerta, the Golden Door, which is a retreat center right across the border in mexico. I was invited by Consious Dancer magazine to be one of the featured teachers here this week. It’s my first time to this magnificent resort. I had no idea a place like this exsisted. It’s high-end, and very nurturing to the needs of everyone. For instance, the food is in moderate portions to keep a low in-take to ease digestion, but if you are gluten-free, or any other restriction, they cater to it in every way. It’s such a blessing to be able to eat-out like this and not worry about the diet I choose to follow.

Last night, I met Deborah, the founder and wise woman who is the magical Goddess that created Rancho La Puerta. She is 90 years old, but you would never beleive it by the way she lives and speaks. She is NOT like any other 90 year you have ever met!!! She is a leader, inspiring and BEAUTIFUL!!! I was most inspired by her talk last night about living a life full of purpose and creating ways to be living every second in the most fun way. I resonated by what she expressed and am comitted to live this way…

She said to pick an age when we felt most happy, and stay at that age, no matter what the calendar says – you are the age you say you are! I was looking back to see when I felt most happiest, and I was thinking maybe 27? then I thought it doesn’t have to be so far in the past…because I feel like I am my most happiest right now. So if I were to pick an age I’d say 38, since I just turned 39 last week. I beleive my year of consious-celibacy last year was my happiest. I carry that with me now, and will forever be 38 going on whatever age my calendar says.

I am impressed with the amount of things going on here at Rancho la Puerta on any given day. The schedule is packed with many options. You can choose from morning hikes, par cour, pilates, yoga, cardio, stretch, water fitness classes, foam rollar class, spanish, writing, cooking classes, and hundreds of the other wonderful offerings, or all of them.

I am here with my friend Kimberly Miguel Mullen (Brazillian and Afro-Cuban Dance) and have met some sweet other dancers that I have gotten to know better: Aspen Madrone (Concious Dancer Magazine founder), Valerie Chafograck (Soul Motion) and  Rana Satori Stewart. This has a been a sweet blessing to be with these women. Thank you to Rancho La Puerta for hosting usthis week, and Consious Dancer Magazine for the invitation.

I am heading home tomorrow after teaching my last class here for these wonderful souls. I feel blessed in every way!

Naked to Chicago

June 26, 2012 - 6 Responses

As I sit on the plane, I am contemplating my journey at Harbin Hot Springs this past weekend. I was teaching at the brand new ‘Journey Home Festival’, which was in Middleton CA, 10 minutes from Harbin Hot Springs. I’ve heard of Harbin for years from friends who told me time and time again to go there, perhaps to teach and to experience the magic of this place. I was blessed to spend a lot of time in the famous mineral waters and soaking up the healing energy in these baths.

Yes, I’ve been to resorts before, BUT what is so special about this one? Well, this one, Uh, Hmmm, Uh…wait for it…

…it’s clothing optional!

I have been on the west coast for almost two decades, and gotten over my shyness and am some-what practiced in the art of bathing in my birthday suit in nature occasionally from time to time. I just hadn’t been to a place like this where SO many naked peeps hang out. This is the closet thing to a nudist-camp (something I’ve only heard about, never really had any interest to go, and had so much judgment around.) It was nothing like what I thought it would be…

We were modest in my family, as in, I never saw anyone naked in the house, nor anywhere else. As a child there was a healthy curiosity for what was beneath the clothing, and could have been my intrigue (almost obsession) with watching B movies that showed some skin whenever I could sneak them into our video selections.

Being at Harbin was really strange at first, but it didn’t take me long to stop peeking (staring) at all the different bodies, and get to a place of ‘normal-ness’ about it all. I felt the liberation of being naked, and saw the absolute beauty in every single body there is in the world. All sorts of shapes and sizes, women and men, I felt comfortable and forgot I was naked a lot of the time. What I appreciated is that it was not creepy; just perfectly normal to be in our natural states. I had light conversations with people as if we were fully clothed without the thought of what we were wearing or what we looked like. Mostly I spent time in the silent pools where everyone is in their meditation and relaxation mode. (Sign say’s: No cameras, conversation or sexual activity).

It was real hydrotherapy: going from very HOT pools to a very COLD pool many times and felt in an altered state. Healing occurred in my body, mind and heart.

I felt beautiful as well as seeing the beauty in all, like we are all reflections of God and Goddess, beautiful in our creation.

In Harbin, I found another ‘home’ to add to my “homes-around-the-world-I-love” List – when you’re a gypsy, the blessing is calling many places ‘home’.

Dragon Dream Revealed

June 17, 2012 - 2 Responses

Initially I thought it was just some cool Dragon dream that occurred, thought it might have a message, but WOW, the messages were much deeper than I thought for me.

In my interpretation, I feel it does have to do with my sexuality. I have been containing my energy for about a year and the time is coming for the next phase of my journey. I do feel like there is an awakening happening as well as the fear of that power. I am “holding on” and controlling myself (somewhat) in fear of the powerful force that feels like it can rule all of life.

Eventually, It always comes around to what I have taught or coached in the past for my students, and now my own learning…in my observation and experience, when one is ‘controlled’ or “holding on” (to fear especially), there is no way you can really connect with someone on deep levels, nor can you climax to the potential that is possible. Not that love-making is all about BIG climaxes (although, note to men – It is important for the woman, and it’s your job to get her there. Study, learn and DO IT! Just my two cents). In the past I have coached women who can’t (or think they can’t) have orgasms. One of the first things we bring to light is the control in life in which they lead with. It’s usually the theme of their life- ‘to control where they feel powerless’, which is usually present in the case of sexual relations.

As I step forth in the direction of this next phase, I can see how being “controlled” for this past year has given me some sense of “power”. Whether it be authentic power or not, I was able to “hold on” and contain it and it was an incredible experience. I am grateful I consciously created this time period for myself.

Now, I go with an open heart and allow the power of the dragons to lead me, as they are full embodied, awakened sexuality in the most beautiful way, I let go to be free of that fear.

Thanks to all the insights from you all…I am grateful for the support.

Dragon Dream

June 14, 2012 - 12 Responses

I had to share a dream I had two nights ago. It was one of those earth shaking dreams, literally.

I’ll get right to the important part; I was traveling somewhere that looked like Ireland, with the big green rolling hills. Not that I’ve been there yet, only seen in pictures and movies. I was standing talking to someone and up comes this HUGE, scaly, red-ish dragon. It was the size of a Rocky Mountain, HUGE! It seemed to dramatically roll out of the earth and flew/rolled over to get on top of another dragon that had been waiting for it. And, I could tell (in the dream) that they were about to make love, so I yelled, “hang on”, as I dug my hands/fingers into the earth. It was the earth as it looks like from afar, as the globe. The dragons began to make love, and the whole world/earth was shaking, vibrating and moving violently. The only thing I could do was hang on and then…woke up.

Having done some research about dragon dreams, nothing that I found resonates with what I felt. I did find it interesting that it is year of the Dragon, according to the Chinese zodiac. If you have any ideas about dreams, dragons etc…do share…

Tantrum Yoga

May 1, 2012 - One Response

I recently heard the term ‘Tantrum Yoga’ used to describe part of my work. I like it, and it’s true! In my classes, I encourage us to scream out anything in our bodies that is not serving us, and let us be fully self-expressed!

I had a real tantrum this morning as I was coming out of the shower. Normally I would feel excited about my day and ready to play as I get ready with some singing in the shower imagining myself to be a singing diva. But this morning, my fire alarm went off because the steam coming out of the bathroom was enough to make it sound the horrible noise and wouldn’t shut off. I left the door of the bathroom open so I could hear the music, but then the music was drowned out by the annoying sound of the alarm. I was trying to breath and pretend I wasn’t affected by this sound, but I was, and it built up an anger in me, so I stomped my feet a couple of times, and screamed a deep growl from my belly and shut the alarm off! It felt so good to get that emotion out of my system and that’s why I teach the way I do. I believe we are emotional beings and there are times we need to express in order to let go of that emotion, especially the old stuff that is still sitting there festering. Otherwise it gets stuck in our bodies and could turn into stress, disease, etc…

I am committed to being in the best state of health I can be in, and if it means I have to (get to) scream every now and then to feel GREAT, I do! Come try it some time…we have an incredible opportunity coming up in a couple of weeks…join us for Enliven 2012, an immersion workshop with myself and 10 SPECIAL guest speakers, teachers and healers to give you a peak immersion experience that promises to ENLIVEN your body, mind, heart, and soul! There will be screaming, laughter, insights, meditations, great food, deep lessons and so much more!

Festival and Mating Season Begins

April 24, 2012 - Leave a Response

I just spent the weekend at Tadasana Festival in Santa Monica and it is really incredible what my friends Tommy Rosen and Fabian Alsultany have created. They created a village on Santa Monica Beach, and it was really fun! Being at home, in LA,  it feels so good to have this happen right here with our own community. Being at the Tadasana Festival was like a kickoff to the Enliven Festival, my baby.

Speaking of babies, it is totally mating and birthing season. I’m feeling it in so many ways, as we have two baby hummingbirds in the tree in front of our home. These are sweet reminders that life is precious and it’s the season to be intimate with whatever we’re doing. Love is in the air, our bodies and our lives. I am feeling this to the fullest with birthing the vision of the Enliven Festival, which brings together my incredible mentors, teachers and healers to lead us into a journey of fullness and aliveness.

As much as I am in awe about what Tadasana Festival created, and had so much fun with all that was going on there, I am also in gratitude that my baby festival, the Enliven Festival, is much more intimate. Our Enliven Festival is actually more of an ‘Enliven Experience’, because everyone is on the same journey together at the same time. We are going to begin and end together, like an immersion or retreat, being guided into our highest purpose, and balanced into sustainable health for our everyday lives.

The Enliven Festival will be a few miles away from Santa Monica in the South Bay, in Manhattan Beach. I am in love with the community’s of the South bay; Redondo Beach, El Segundo, Torrence, Hawthorne, Manhattan Beach and I’m sure there’s more little pockets I’m forgetting. I love the energy and it excites me to launch our Enliven Festival/Experience here.

Before our Enliven Experience, there is another big festival coming up that is super fun, called the Bhakti Fest that I will be teaching at also. I told you, it’s Festival season…and mating season…enjoy the journey of making babies of all sorts…wink-wink..

The baby hummingbirds being fed by mama

mama hummingbird